Imposter Syndrome

Imposter Syndrome (noun): a collection of feelings of inadequacy that persist despite evident success.

Symptoms include: chronic self-doubt (oh yeah) and a sense of intellectual fraudulence (oh yeah x2).  She really is THAT BITCH.

I’ve been a musician for over 28 years.  Every time I pick up my instrument, I feel like I’m playing it for the first time.  I know I’m good, people have told me this.  But, again, those feelings of “not good enough” come creeping in.  I’ve played on multiple stages, multiple times, and yet...I feel like a fraud.  People PAY ME to play music with them, and for them!  WHAT IS WRONG WITH THEM?  What is wrong with me?  When I talk about my musical life and the adventures and places it has taken me, it feels like an out-of-body experience.  When I go to work everyday and I teach, it feels like an out-of-body experience.  I don’t get it.

Fast forward into teaching...I love my job.  LOVE MY JOB.   I love being a music teacher...but wow...I feel like a fraud in my job.  I have the observations that say I’m a great teacher, but I’m always doubting myself and my abilities.  It brings it back to “what do my peers think of me”?  “What do my bosses think of me?”  “Do they tolerate me?” “Does everyone tolerate me?”  My students are my world, and they love me...I wish I could love myself as much as they love me.  The hugs, high fives, fist bumps, drawn pictures, and the multiple “I love you’s” make it so worth it.  My journey this year is for them, too.

If you suffer from Imposter Syndrome, I hope you join me on this journey of unpacking this suitcase.  Remember: you’re not a fraud...you’re there for a reason...you’re good at what you do...your brain is a lying sack of crap for telling you differently.  I’ll be here to remind you that...if you need me.  

Let’s unpack this annoying-ass suitcase, shall we?